Insecurities + What Caught My Eye (No. 36)
Lately, I’ve been feeling more insecure than I have in years. Part of this is that I haven’t been as active as I’d like — the colder weather and busier schedule have taken an effect on me. The other part is that I feel reminded of all of my flaws, whether imaginary or not.
Historically speaking, I’ve not usually been one to dwell on my own self image. I think I was too busy worrying about the future to care too much about the size of my waist or the few breakouts I was prone to or what others thought of me. In fact, to an extent, I still don’t. But more and more, people have become comfortable commenting on my body. Last year, at my best friend’s wedding, someone said that I married above me and that I wasn’t as attractive at 31 as I was in my 20’s. At Thanksgiving this year, someone made a comment about me before I even sat down at the table. It’s hard to forget these moments and I’m always surprised when they happen. I genuinely like who I am. I want to say: Isn’t that enough?
The most surprising part of it is that I’m quite normal. My weight meanders around the 170’s and my waist is about 32”. I’m 5’9”. I’m a standard medium and wear a large if I like a bit of an oversized look. My God, I think, what do they think of anyone who isn’t in the normal range? I hardly want to know.
I think the small comments are symptomatic of becoming close to others. Some people find insults as a form of camaraderie and I used to be in that camp, too. But it’s a juvenile way to gain my friendship and, in fact, turns me off completely anymore. I didn’t enjoy the rest of Thanksgiving this year due to that one comment. When my friend got her wedding photos back, I scrutinized every photo of myself and though: Oh, yes. I see what he means. I have gotten quite ugly.
It’s so strange, in a way, to have accomplished what I have and none of it matter because my stomach has gotten a little soft. I wrote a book at 30. I’m a well regarded writer. I taught myself to speak French and have a network of colleagues that extends from Tokyo to Latvia. And yet, sometimes, I still avoid looking in the mirror. How strange so much of what I value about myself can be diminished so quickly and carelessly by others who, really, don’t know me at all.
So, what’s the point of this introduction? There isn’t one, really. I guess it’s to say that I stand by what I have iterated in this newsletter many times before: that I have learned that, above all else, only kindness matters anymore. And, perhaps, it’s time to extend that kindness to myself now, too.
Boohoo. Poor me. Next week I promise to be a bit funnier; but, please, indulge me this week, dear Reader. It is, after all, not always as aspirational as I like to pretend.
Cheers.
Priscilla
I’m a longtime fan of Sofia Coppola’s work, but the last couple films of hers haven’t been my favourite. With that, I walked out of the theater very happy with Priscilla. I think it worked on a few levels: celebrityism, gender dynamics, etc. But it was also just a well-paced film that didn’t fall into the trap of some of Coppola’s other works of being too sleepy or slow.
Showtimes: Here
Time on Screen: Tár
I was very happy to speak with my editor and friend at Worn & Wound, Zach, about Tár. It’s such a dense film, I know much was left out just for timing reasons, but I do hope you enjoy hearing me blather on about this film, the deep symbolism of it, and (most importantly) Lydia Tár’s wardrobe.
Listen: Here
Hadsel, Beirut
Beirut’s latest album has all the best elements of the band’s ethos. I love the way in which Zach Condon’s voice is at once totally present on the tracks and deeply haunting in the background. This album was produced on a remote Norwegian village and I think the story of the recording is just as interesting as the album itself (you know I love the Norwegian language).
Listen: Here
Our Legacy x Armani Gatto Al Tramonto Tie
I have to admit something. Our Legacy hasn’t been on my radar much. Through no fault of its own. I simply haven’t paid much attention. And as for Armani? Well, I’d say the last time I thought of that brand was in high school when I’d go to Armani Exchange when my family used to vacation in Las Vegas at the end of the school year in high school.
But together with this collaboration? I am very much paying attention. The whole collection is perfectly balanced and instead of one brand devouring the other (as most brands collabs end up being), they produced something totally unique that is representative of both their styles. Somehow, a Swedish and Italian brand produced a Japanese-inspired tie design and I am, quite simply, in love with it.
Buy: Here
Eye Masks by Tom Àdam
Longtime readers will know that I have been a fan of Tom Àdam for some time. His star is definitely on the rise with new collaborations and product releases. One such release is this eye mask, which is so perfectly designed that I’m excited to begin planning my next international trip just for an excused to buy it for the long flight.
Buy: Here
Very Troubled Child Rainforest Belt
Since launching nearly a decade ago, Very Trouble Child has expanded its product line to a variety of motifs that all resemble the luggage found in The Darjeeling Limited. While I can easily fawn over their bags and totes, I’m quite taken by their belts. This green one with the Rainforest theme might just be my favourite. How nice would it look against a black suit for the holidays?
Buy: Here
Artemis Design Co. Kilim Tote
I’m a bit obsessed with bags lately. I’m not sure why. Probably because I have too much stuff to tow back and forth between my writing studio and home, which usually includes: two laptops, an iPad, my daily notebook, a backup notebook, my planner, and a book or magazine. This repurposed tote made from an old carpet is now on my Christmas list.
Buy: Here
King Kennedy Rugs Desert Ocean Trench Coat
King Kennedy Rugs also reworks and gives new life to carpets. Here, they’ve created a beautiful trench that looks like one of their carpet pieces, but is digitally printed. It’s such a fun coat, I can imagine owning this for years (and looking a bit like Desmond Guinness in the process).
Buy: Here
Tinned Fish Candles
I, truthfully, cannot think of a more perfect stocking stuffer than these tinned fish candles. I’m tempted to buy an entire pallet of these just to have on hand, dotting my own studio with them and handing out and the most perfect hostess gift.
Buy: Here
Tribù Kos Set
Allow me to brag for a second. Let’s face it: you’re used to that by now, I’m sure. We’ve become interested in estate sales more and more lately and the main reason being that there are a lot of old rich people that have a habit of dying this time of year, leaving their belongings to their kids who live out-of-town and don’t want to deal with what they left behind. One such bargain came in the form of this teak table. Total cost for the set was $13,000 new and we got it for just about $1,000. Can you believe it? After redoing the courtyard last year, we’ve been ignoring the space in hopes of finding the perfect table and, well, here it is. I’m looking forward to lazy dinners and a few glasses of homemade limoncello next Summer al fresco.